Thursday, May 7

Officially

7.5.2009, set the date.

I still very much ignorant to this matter, as long as both of you are happy. God, please bless them with happiness.

I never thought it will happen. I never think it will. Why the fuck all changed in the short two fucking years? It's too drastic. I don't see it coming, or maybe i am. But what the hell? What are the fucking things triggered it? This is just so fugly. I don't know how should i do. what should i say to make things better? All of us who are involved feel the pain, though most of the time we chose to ignore. But no matter how ignorant we are, it's still there. It's still there in mind, it haunts. The sms-es you sent us today, it hurts. But i switched it to silence. I, too feel the sadness. I covered myself in blanket and slept. But when i woke up, i wanted to call my sisters and ask for the updates. But there is something holding me back. My fear, i am too chicken to know, and now leaving me with my imagination. What the future lies is still very blur. the road is still long and i pray there's no obstacles or challenges along the way. What can make us, together again? they say, everything happens for a reason, BUT i don't see it here. We are all very independent, this couldn't make us any better. Why? Just fucking tell me why. Hah, there's nothing we can do. Fuck fuck fuck. Hey up there, please tell us the reason you separate us apart. WHATS IN YOUR MIND AND PLEASE TELL ME YOUR MOTIVE.

WTF.

D, the truth is we should hate you for all you have done. BUT why do we still have to treat you nicely? I don't understand. I am freaking don't udnerstand. So what if you're our d. Why we need to be your side? WE ALL FUCKING KNOW it's your fault. YOU FUCKING SELFISH. I HATE YOU. Please stop do any mentally torture on anyone of us anymore. We are done with it. I AM at least. I don't undestand where are all my guts? Why the fuck am i still treating you like you're the king of the house? FUCK, i hate myself for my cowardness. I typed the message and just dun have the gut to push the send button. I am leaving this behind. Once i am done with uni i gotta go far away and leave this behind. seriously. Fuck that.

M,i'm sorry for all the things you have gone through and all the tears you cried. You have shown us the best example and you showered us with love. it's really shitty that you should be the one in the house not d. Fuck. Why? ARGH.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK you. Fuck off. damn.

8 comments:

  1. man.. what's the peep is that?? I dun understand.. and i can i c is the F word... so many F words there.. what's wrong??

    ReplyDelete
  2. ya,u're still a kid, u're not suppose to read it. hehe

    ReplyDelete
  3. hi dear..
    remember what u told me ??
    if i need someone to talk, come to u..
    so goes to u n ur sis .. i will be there for both of u if u girls need a talk or mayb need someone to accompany ...

    take care~

    ReplyDelete
  4. thanks shu ying, but I am fine, it's a method to blah all out. hehe. Just like you did. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. glad to hear that..
    cheer up girl~
    ('',)..

    ReplyDelete
  6. hey dear,
    life is unpredictable and things are always not going smooth as we want but try to look at the better side of every problem that you might face, at least you could feel more better....
    just in case you still remember that Im ur buddy, so, plz dun feel hesitate to find me and talk to me if you got any things that make u feel not happy....
    Im always be there for you ok?
    love ya n hugs
    muah~

    ReplyDelete
  7. owh.if like what i've understood,im feel sorry to u.
    relax,i also feel the same pain maa.luckily u about 2 years,me about 1 year,maybe less.T_T
    so b strong lah.jom picnic.hahhahahahha

    ReplyDelete
  8. kahyee: Thanks babe, i love you. hehe, i tried to look the scenario from 360 degree upside down, inside out but i can't see any benefits. But i found an easier way, turn a blind eyes. :P But im really good now.

    Ejat : Bila nak picnic? biar betul, cakap perlu ditunaikan! haha. btw, thanks ejat. Good luck for ur finals . hihi

    ReplyDelete