Lonely Night

The night is lonely, no stars ,only cold winds. It blows into my face. I felt the loneliness.
I hate to admit, but i miss home. I miss the screaming of my sisters and kicking from my damn brother. Nagging from my mother and egoness of my dad. Though i was the one who always got blamed when something is missing, but i knew that imma always in my grandma heart.
I remembered lying next to my grandma after the death of my uncle, consoling her and telling white lies about the truth. I felt pretty useless and ashamed of myself for how i treat my ama. (NO, she is still alive) Sisters always told me to be good to her, despite her traditional thinking, that she is old and suffered so much in bringing nine kids all by her self,mind you she is uneducated. Every time i go home, i realized she is getting older and older but tougher as time passed. .....
The loneliness that no one could actually understand, I wonder if they are lying on the bed, hugging bears and thinking of each other, like what i did just now.
I wished my ceiling is made of glass, so that i can look upon the sky. I know, we will be looking at the same sky despite different geographical are we belongs.

I am alone in this room, no one to share my stories and feelings. The insecured feelings that no one can understand. The motivation level decreasing and stresses pilling up. I wished i have someone that can listens to me, without me saying any words. understands me without i even showing it.

Love, for now its all about fulfilling stomach and nothing else. I wonder how long it can stands without understanding and communications or huggings and love that i need so badly.

Imma balancing myself on this tiny little string that i might lose my balance and slipped to the ground. Ouch, so hurt!