Sunday, September 16

Home sweet home... really?

I know most of you would agree with that simple three words - Home Sweet Home. Well, I used to concur with that statement too until 5 years ago where everything got upside down, relationships got sour and love/hate feelings grow.

I especially get very emotional when I am home.

To listen to negative comments like how much weight I have put on and asked to reduce my meal portion AND when it comes to any fucking meals, I am always the scapegoat who need to lick clean all the dishes. "There's no such luxury food in KL, bla bla".

To smile at people whom I no longer want to associate with. Call me cold hearted or whatever. The fact is I wish the blood that runs in my body is cold so that I do not need to come home and pretend that I am so cool about everything, to be able to just run far away without having to feel guilt or fear.

To accept the fact that they are growing fucking older everything we come back. Red eyes, blurred vision, knee pain, high cholesterol, etc. Enough said.

Worst of all, to pretend to be someone that I am not. It's so painful things ain't going to what we wanted. It's so suffocating to be stuck in between. It's discomfort to sleep at night.

I no longer feel warm, safe, loved, harmony when I am home.... and I feel sharp pain in my heart. :(

No comments:

Post a Comment