Monday, October 6

Biggest enemies

COFFEE and TEA!!!!!

I had them both after 5pm today and i am farking awake now. Fark, need to work tomorrow. bagero panda eyes @@

CIS... cilaka. mf.

*randomness from my insomnia**
I came to realize that i forget things pretty fast, which lead to my so-called short term memory loss, just because i chose not to remember them. Sometimes it's good, especially when you do not want to remember those conversations/memories but sometimes it's suck when you really need to recalled some of the conversations or sweet memories you had.

Would you rather going back to your previous life?
It gonna be the same, because you are dealing with the same person of the same attitude, same problems.
Or start a new life?
But you have yet to put down the memories. You wouldn't mind to wait for miracle.

Sometimes, i wished it never happened. you have no idea how much tears, how much disappointment, how many quarrels and fights. You have no idea how hard you have to think hard during conversation, how to cover the truth, how to tell convincing lies. You have no idea how hard we tried to prevent and avoid unnecessary phone calls/ meetings. You have no idea how we live with fear everyday. You have no idea what are the people's perspective towards you. You have no idea it feels so FUCKING annoying living like this everyday.
I do not know who to blame. Or maybe i know. But i can't blame him, wtf right?

Suddenly i feel so empty. I am nobody and have nobody. The feeling is weird, and numb. Maybe i'm used to it. There is no use for me to cry because there is no way out or short cut. I just need to pray? Ha ha. Pray for a better tomorrow?
Sometimes i wonder if i were unconscious all these while, those were just my daily dreams. When i wake up, i was still a teenager, who suffered from coma in an accident for two years? Wow, super duper good imagination.

I ever thought of some dirty tricks, to let them meet. But i have no courage to do, because i afraid i will never survived. Haha.
1. Get into an accident and hospitalized. ( what if i die? and i hate hospital)
2. MIA - too many responsibilities i'm tied up to. (internship-ish)
stupid ideas i know........ hehe, im just one of those of cklps and lppl people.


1 comment:

  1. lol ive been experiencing the short term memory loss also wor. hmm my friends say i very loso, because i keep repeating what ive said after a few days. hahaha.
    prolly there isnt much things happening in my life saja lah. ;)
    cheer up, lifes beautiful and once. so enjoy the once. ;)