Friday, July 30

-written at 11:30pm last night-

I stared at this page for ages. I got ideas in my mind but I just don't know how to put them into words, nicely, and linked from line to line. Sometimes I blame it for the chat rooms where I go in and talk crap in broken, mixed languages and would reply "hehehe/hahaha/lol/-.-"/zzz" and etc when I can't think of anything to say...and now, it has become habit where I am applying it in my meetings with colleagues or clients. Maybe I don't know what the hell is going on during the meeting and when they asked, "Ashlee, do you have anything to say/ask?" I'd replied, "No, hehehe". Wtf. Sometimes when I ask questions/give opinions, my voice trembled and the sentences upside down and I felt stupid. I wonder how did I manage to ended up here. I feel myself so small when I'm in a pool of genius; I will try (too hard maybe) to act/sound like them, which I will failed miserably. I hope it's only temporarily and I'd gain back the confidence and shine upon the stars.

Surprisingly, I have this enthusiatic feelings over work that I am so proud of because I want to proof to myself that I am not stupid, hence I stayed up until quite late, (which I think it makes me sound more stupid because I have to overtime to understand the documents) Most of my colleagues are very loyal that they stick to this company ever since they graduated and they seems to be very happy with it. I wonder if I'd do the same which I am not doubtful but the scary part is that I wonder if I'd be married. Please don't laugh because you see, the older generations here are not married and the younger ones (27 yrs old or something) are happily married. Also, I spend so much time at work and living quite far away from the city. I don't have happy hours and I don't quite mixed around because somehow my building is isolated from the main building (where most of the all cute guys are working). !!!

Wow, quite an achivement that I wrote so long. Haha. Now I see the point. Can you spot it too? The main problem that lingers in my mind is if I ever get married at the end. LOL. I don't want to be labeled as spinsters... Maybe I should go to blind dates. Speaking of blind dates, I just finish watching the movie titled "Blind Dates", an old movie which story about this (really) blind man going blind dates to find his lover.

Speaking of enthusiaticm, I brought my laptop home because I wanted to continue reading the documents...and I guess you know what really taken place isn't it? Sigh.

- Stupidly written-

P/s: Somebody left me a comment in my previous blog anonymously. Can you please text me back? I need happy hour. :O

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